Snap

I snapped at Gordy today because he “interrupted” me while I was having a cooing moment with Loosa after that spotted little pony gave me the gift of a good ride. Wait, it gets better. The alleged “interruption” was to tell me about the two barn projects he had completed, special little touches that I had only just asked for.

I can be territorial about my space — physical and mental/emotional. Even if my guard is not up, it can snap up in an instant. It’s the dog I let out the door first, the one that barks. Territorialism does not cultivate kindness of spirit. I think it is instead an indication of how far away I am from where I want to be. When I validate an underlying defensive or negative emotion, unkindness is easier and feels somehow justified — at least in the moment. But it is not without consequence; that almost immediate toxic hangover I experience, the regret and apology for being, well, me.

I would like to learn to be kind to myself, to have discussions with the defensive and territorial parts of me and say, hey, we’re old and getting older. This shit is not really that useful to us anymore. Let’s plant a garden of something new.

Day 1

Writing about what sings to me from a life made full with animals.

5 thoughts on “Snap

  1. I too have struggled to see positives in the past few years. Our current political climate, coronavirus and global climate issues are a huge challenge. What a great reminder your posts are to look for daily acts of kindness and peace in our own lives. Thank you Lisa 😊

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    • Thank you for sharing, Linda. Not only do I want to see more acts of kindness and peace in my own life, but also to look at how I am preventing more of it from generating from me. I have become more angry from the world than I want to admit. Thank you for being here. I have always admired your particular brand of kindness. ❤

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  2. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I really want to talk about the value of vulnerability, without sounding all Brene Brown (whose Texan “y’alls” have gotten on my last nerve). But I don’t need to, because you’ve already put yourself out there. So what I want to do is applaud you, give you a hug, and tell you that you are not alone. I also don’t want to “nice you to death.” I make the assumption that as the accomplished and bright person you are, you will not dismiss your goodness in search of being a better human. I will say I believe you’re starting from a fairly high threshold.

    If you ever want to talk about meditation as a tool, let me know. I started in 2005 as a way to deal with the stress of taking care of aging parents, whom I loved but felt ill equipped to care for, nicely. The dog I let out the door first? The most impatient one……

    I’m SO glad you are writing again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Vulnerability must be the thing that’s making me want to near-vomit when I step into this space. Yikes. I thank you so much for your words and resonate with your insights. I would love to talk to you about meditation and your journey with it. I have dabbled and certainly believe that my quiet times with the animals has meditative qualities. Please make an excuse to come to Ocala soon! ❤

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